An open letter to the guy who causes a girl to unknowingly be “the other woman”

You suck.

I could pretty much leave it at that and it would sum up the general sentiment of this letter, but I don’t let people off that easily.

To preface, when I refer to “you”, I am not only referring to the guy who most recently treated me like I was disposable, but to any guy who has the audacity to cheat.

I have absolutely zero, let me repeat, ZERO tolerance for cheating. None. Like just, no. WHY DO YOU CHEAT?! WHY?! If you honestly do not love the person enough to control yourself around attractive people just freaking break up. Let me tell you why I think people (aka people like you) cheat:

  1. You know you don’t love the girl you’re with but you don’t have the balls to break her heart and end it, so you opt to just hide other relationships behind her back because there is no way she will possibly find out you’re cheating… right?
  2. You want to have your cake and eat it too, you greedy pig.
  3. You love the power; you love thinking you’re in control and thinking you have more than one girl wrapped around your finger.
  4. You, for some reason, think you are God’s gift to women and thus deserve more than one woman at a time, and that we women should be fine with it.

Okay so we’ve established that cheating is bad. I will never understand it.

But let’s talk about the degrees of cheating.

Normally, we think of cheating as cheater cheating on cheated with a knowing cheatee. In other words, the other woman usually KNOWS she’s the other woman and she’s just as bad as the guy and no one likes her and she’s evil. In that case the only victim is the original girlfriend or wife, poor girl.

So that’s awful. We hate the boyfriend and other woman.

But what about this scenario: Guy and girl meet –> guy initiates the start of some sort of relationship –> they hit it off –> guy says and does all the right things –> girl thinks she’s found this amazing one-in-a-million guy –> girl totally falls for guy –> guy says he wants to “see where this goes”, wants to “know everything about you” –> girl thinks he’s perfect UNTIL, through a random post on Facebook, discovers that guy is actually in a long-term relationship that he blatantly neglected to tell said girl about.


So let’s just recap for a second… and ya know, let’s just go ahead and make this personal while we’re at it because it is.

You were in a long-term relationship, actually just had your one year three weeks before we met, and for some reason you thought it was fine to pull me into the mix? You thought it was okay to pull me into something that, had I known the full details, I would want NOTHING to do with?

How dare you. How dare you say the things you said to me. How dare you lie to me and tell me you weren’t like other guys and that you wanted to see where this could go, especially after having a conversation about my past experiences with guys who have hurt me. How dare you emotionally drag me through the dirt and have no apologies about it.

How dare you put me in a situation that you knew full well compromised my morals. How dare you make me the other woman without my permission.

So not only have you cheated on your girlfriend, but you cheated on me too. And you cheated me out of the opportunity to stay the hell away from you. You had 150+ other women to choose from at that conference we met at* and yet you chose to hurt me because you had to have me – misogyny at its finest.

*Please do not get me started on the fact you are a Fraternity Man, someone who is supposed to hold himself to higher standards and treat those around him with the utmost respect. I’m so glad we have you to represent Greek Life – can you smell my sarcasm?

Now here is where it gets good (these are specific details not needed for the general message, but please feel free to read or skip to next section):

I confronted you. I gave you a chance to either explain yourself or come clean. You fed me a bunch of lines like “Oh she’s my ex, its a crazy situation, I can call you and explain because I want you to know :)”

I waited for your call against my better judgement because I thought there might be a sliver of a chance. When you never called, I knew you just weren’t able to come up with a good enough story that I would believe, so you began to ignore me. You deleted me off Facebook, and when I sent you a final text letting you know just a little bit of how I felt, you denied deleting me from Facebook! Like who are you. Talk about a pathological liar.

So at this point, I’m more than hurt; I’m pissed off. And hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I mean… are you stupid? Or did you think I am? You texted me the most incriminating words, you took me out downtown where you live, you let me take a picture with you… did you honestly not think I was going to use all of that as proof? Did you just think I was some dumb “sorority girl” you met at a conference who would either a) never find out about your girlfriend b) not think to do anything about it if I did or c) not have the guts to do anything about it?

Well, my dear cheater, you pegged me all wrong.

1. I am an educated, intelligent, bonafide woman who has learned all too well from her past dealings with guys that you need to do your research. I will, and did, check as much social media I could, and you can call me crazy, but thank God that I did.

2. You screwed me over. And I may not believe in getting even but I sure as hell believe in getting what you deserve. So you’re damn straight I thought about what to do when I found out, because you do not get to have the last word on this.

3. I had all the confidence in the world to do something about this. And what was the most logical thing to do? Yep. Let the other girl in the equation know what was happening.

I honestly cannot believe you didn’t think I would contact your girlfriend, but I did. Screenshots of texts, the picture we took together, and details about when, where, how of everything we did were sent to her. And she responded.

Now I have no idea what she’ll do with this information. I hope for her sake she breaks up with you because you sure as hell don’t deserve her and she shouldn’t have to put up with cheating scum. But I can rest easy with my conscience knowing I did the right thing in letting her know.

So here’s what’s up:

Guys, don’t cheat.

And if you honestly cannot keep it in your pants, you better be cheating with a girl who knows she’s the other woman. Do not make your sin even worse by dragging another innocent party into your mess. You’ll end up not only breaking your girlfriend’s heart, but breaking the heart of the girl you cheated with. You’ll make her feel like complete garbage, something to dispose of, something cheap.

And if you’re going to read this post and still be an awful human anyway, you better expect that you’re going to get caught. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who has the nerve to contact the girlfriend with explicit details of how you’ve messed up. We will take screenshots, and we will send them. Because we owe it to each other as women to save each other from liars like you.

It’s horrible that I feel the need to do research on people these days, but I have yet to meet a guy who is truthful with me. Guys, step up. Stop thinking that you are owed more than one woman at a time. Stop letting your friends be cheaters. Stop lying. Stop hiding your life. If you’re a cheater, at least be honest about it so we can all stay away from you.

In short, if you cheat, or you lie, or you emotionally lead women on, you suck.

You suck.


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